Sadly, on 11th October 2020, Rufus our firstborn and much longed for baby boy arrived already sleeping at 39 weeks gestation due to a silent placenta abruption and HELLP syndrome, a rare life threatening condition that can affect pregnant women. Rufus was perfect in every way, weighing in at 6lbs 6oz, a whopping 51cm long with the most perfect button nose and lots of wavy red hair. We always imagined Rufus to be a wild boy, and his grandma placed a white feather in his hat like Peter Pan which is reflected in our logo.

We had no idea what to expect after Rufus came into the world, it is not a situation you make plans for in advance, but our wonderful bereavement midwife explained to us that we could have access to a Cuddle Cot if we wanted which would allow us to have Rufus next to us whilst I recovered in hospital. A Cuddle Cot is a cooling mattress which stops a baby’s body deteriorating, it can can be discreetly placed in a moses basket, cot or even a pram at hospital or at the family's home. Thanks to this equipment, we were able to spend six unforgettable days together as a family, during which time we made memories which we will treasure forever, including introducing him to his grandparents and aunties, giving him a bath, taking him outside to let the sun shine on his beautiful face and endless cuddles and kisses. The feeling of love we experienced having him next to us has been immeasurable in helping us on our journey through this unique grief.

Tragically, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss and on average, 15 babies are stillborn or die within 4 weeks of birth every single day in the UK. Without the Cuddle Cot, a family will typically have around 12 hours with their baby, whilst no amount of time will ever truly be enough, we feel that having such a short time limit is heartbreaking, especially when considering medical complications can mean the mum is not well enough to be present.